Cletus's Crunchy Ham Hoagie Sandwich Jamboree

Y'all gather 'round the porch 'cause we got us a proper Southern sandwich stacked higher than a possum on a pine tree, usin' that sliced smoked ham, fresh lettuce, ripe tomato, sha…

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Ingredients

Sliced smoked ham - straight from the smokehouse, thick enough to make a possum jealous of the flavor
Lettuce - crisp garden greens that snap louder than a screen door in July
Tomato - juicy red slices from the backyard patch, sweeter than a June bug's song
Onion - sharp white rings that pack a punch like Earl after two jars of shine
Dill pickles - tangy spears brined in the holler, crunchier than gravel under truck tires
Banana peppers - mild yellow zingers from the garden, addin' just enough sass without the bite
Cheddar cheese - sharp yellow slabs that melt like butter on a hot skillet
Duke's mayonnaise - the only mayo worth its salt in the South, creamy and tangy as a Sunday sermon
Hoagie roll - soft yet sturdy bread split wide like a welcome mat on the farmhouse porch

Directions

First, grab your sliced smoked ham and lay out a few generous pieces on a clean plate, makin' sure they're not too thick or you'll be chewin' longer than a coonhound on a bone.
Wash and dry that crisp lettuce real good, then tear it into sandwich-sized leaves while tellin' yourself a joke about why the tomato turned red - it saw the salad dressin'.
Slice up the juicy tomato into thick rounds, season 'em with a pinch of salt to bring out the backyard sweetness, and set aside before they get soggy.
Cut the sharp onion into thin rings, cryin' only if you gotta, then rinse 'em under cold water to tame the bite like calmmin' a mad mule.
Grab them dill pickles and banana peppers, slice 'em thin, and pat dry so they don't turn your hoagie into a swampy mess from the holler.
Shred or slice that sharp cheddar cheese into even pieces ready to layer, whistlin' a tune 'cause good cheese deserves a soundtrack.
Split the hoagie roll lengthwise like you're openin' a treasure chest, then toast it lightly in a skillet or oven till it's golden and sturdy enough to hold the load.
Slather both sides of that toasted hoagie roll with a generous swipe of Duke's mayonnaise, spreadin' it even like butter on cornbread.
Now layer it all up startin' with the smoked ham on the bottom, followed by lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, banana peppers, and cheddar cheese, pressin' down gentle so it don't topple like a Jenga tower in a windstorm.
Close the hoagie roll, slice that beauty in half, and serve it up with a holler, watchin' folks fight over the bigger half like it's the last piece of pie at the church social.

More free Instant plates and funny Southern recipes at chucklechow.com.