Cletus's Bacon Bloody Holler Highball

Y'all gather round the wet wood rail at the Devil Water Bar where Earl's got that outlaw porch glow goin'. This ain't no supper plate, it's a straight-up Southern pour that kicks l…

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Ingredients

2 oz vodka - the clear devil water that makes fence posts tell secrets
4 oz tomato juice - garden reds stomped fresh like a holler dance floor
3 dashes hot sauce - liquid fire to light up your inner raccoon
1 celery stalk - crunchy green stirrer straight from the ditch garden
1 strip crispy bacon - smoky ribbon for that porch-swing garnish

Directions

Chill that mason jar in the ice chest for a minute so it sweats like a sinner in church.
Measure out 2 oz of vodka with the jigger and pour it straight into the cold jar.
Add 4 oz of tomato juice right on top of the vodka like you're baptizin' the mix.
Dash in three hits of hot sauce and give it a quick bar-spoon swirl to wake the fire.
Drop in a handful of ice shards and shake the whole shebang in the tin for ten seconds of pure chaos.
Strain the pour back into the frosty jar so the liquid shines ruby red under the bulb.
Slide the celery stalk in like a green flag on a dirt track.
Lay the crispy bacon strip across the rim so it hangs like a wanted poster.
Give the jar one gentle tap on the rail to settle the garnish and let the condensation roll.
Set it down with a wink and remind the crew to sip responsible so the only thing drivin' is the story.

More free Instant plates and funny Southern recipes at chucklechow.com.